At the age of 42, I was diagnosed with Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD). While this was a shocking revelation about myself in the moment, the more I learned about ADHD the more it made sense to me. And the more I reflected on my life the more it all started to come into focus like a fog lifting away.

I learned that I am “neurodivergent,” or as I describe it, that my brain is wired differently. 

Neurodivergent describes people whose brains function, learn, and process information differently than what is considered typical (neurotypical).

I have navigated anxiety and bouts of depression for my entire life and I finally understood why. I had spent my life believing that I was not very smart. I had spent my life believing that I was not very likeable.

I had spent my life trying to fit in a world that I didn’t belong.

I realized that I had unknowingly developed some incredible coping skills to compensate for the way my brain works in opposition to how the world operates around me, including becoming hyper organized.

Hyper-organization refers to an extreme level of organization characterized by meticulous planning, excessive listing, and rigid structuring of tasks, often used to manage anxiety or as a coping mechanism for ADHD. 

My thoughts leave my brain almost as quickly as they arrive. If I don’t write them down, they might be gone forever. I have developed many ways to keep track of lists and ideas.

I had become good at planning ahead because my brain made me worried, but at the same time I procrastinated until I had become good at improvising.

I was either extremely impulsive or extremely indecisive until I learned the skills to implement constructive decision making. However, I can still be impulsive!

I understand that I absorb and process ideas and information quickly, but I get bored and distracted easily. I cannot calculate basic math in my head. I feel things strongly, especially injustice, disloyalty, and deception. I do not have a “poker face,” so others can see clearly what I am thinking and feeling most of the time.

I now appreciate how my brain is unique and creative and that ADHD is my superpower (and only sometimes my Kryptonite)!